Our Story

Our son Nicholas Daniel Toth V was born on December 27, 1995 in Pagosa Springs, Co. He was our first born son. He was wished and prayed for. He was a miracle as far as we were concerned. We literally smothered the poor kid. I remember multiple days where my husband and I would have contests as to see who could kiss him the most in a given day. He was our shining star. Never in my life did I ever think I would only have 19 years with him.

    We were blessed with two more sons, Jackson and Harrison. Life was perfect. We were raising our sons in a beautiful mountain town. We volunteered tirelessly in our community. We didn’t just go to every sporting event the boys had, we coached them. I was a Cub Scout leader, a county fair board member and president, a classroom mom, member of the church vestry, PTA member. You name it…we did it for our boys. They ate organic food and planted their own gardens. Life was effortless and delightful.  All of this changed when Nicky was in 6th grade. He was sexually violated by a peer one awful night…and after that…my beautiful son was never the same. That same boy went on to bully him and the school district did nothing.  We received no community or school support. We felt abandoned. Nicky felt it the most. We tried and tried to save his delicate soul. Following that year, we decided as a family, to move back east to New Jersey to be closer to friends and family where we felt we could get the most support, and more importantly, save our Nicholas.

    That single event unfortunately shaped Nicky’s teenage path. He didn’t talk about it. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Instead, he self-medicated. He started with alcohol. He never liked weed…oh, and he tried to like it. He then found Xanax from other parent’s cabinets. Then, he found the love of his life…heroin. What happened to our sweet Nicky? Our family was in turmoil. Nicky was in and out of rehabs and jail. He missed multiple holidays. He wanted nothing more than to be happy and healthy.

    Nicky was in jail from Jan 2014- June 2015 and from July 2014-Feb 2015. He came home March 20, 2015. We had our baby back. We were all so hopeful. We were also scared. He was at least safe in jail. He participated in outpatient programs and got a job. We had no idea he started using again.

    In April Nicky overdosed at our home. I just had a feeling something wasn’t right. I saved him that night. I’ll never forget how he sounded. His labored breathing and snoring. His blue lips. I was smacking his face so hard and rubbing his chest. Once he started coming around, I just kept kissing him on his lips like I did when he was little. He lived.

    Following that night he went to inpatient rehab at Seabrook House in South Jersey. We were so hopeful because he completed this 30 day program and organized himself into a sober living home. The person in charge said he had never had such a tenacious applicant. Nicky was ready to start his life. He lived in the house for two weeks. Friday June 12, I went to see him after work. Thank God. I took him to dinner. I kissed his face and hugged his big shoulders. We laughed together. On June 14 in the morning the local police came to our home to inform us that we lost our son. He was found in Newark….alone…with the love of his life…heroin. My baby. Our son. Our brother. Our friend. Our amazing boy. Heroin stole him. Nicky made choices of course…and in the end…heroin won. Nicky used to say heroin made him finally feel normal..and confidant. My only solace is that he has finally found the peace he was so desperately searching for.

My mission as a mother is to not let heroin win and destroy another family, We are in this fight together. I will not let my child’s death be in vain…

Please join our family in the battle against heroin/opiate addiction. Thank you.

Nicholas Daniel Toth V: December 27, 1995- June 13 or 14, 2015. Rest in Peace our baby.